kix and the city took off early today, needed to go downtown to this place where they make slides out of printouts. it's for my painting class, presentation crap about contemporary artists. got there around 8.30 but the place doesn't open til 9. i decided to walk around the historic district.

that's when it hit me. i'm scared. i'm fucking scared.

i haven't told many regarding moving to the east coast, only my family here in colorado and my mom. the kids are more excited than i am. saul can't wait to reach sixteen. i promised him that i'll take him to NY when he turns sixteen, and he can stay with me for a week or so. ate i.n knows, too, mainly because i'll be living with her family for a while til i can afford my own place in NY. i'm not too thrilled about NJ anyway.

but it scares me to move that far. ate i.n told me, "sanay ka naman ng palipat-lipat (you're used to moving around anyway)." but it's not the same this time. i'm moving away from the family. not that i've always been with them and all that, but it's nice to know that the kids are just a few miles away. that's why i love living in pueblo and they have their own place in pueblo west --- far enough that they can leave me alone, but near enough that they can stay with me for a day.

it's just hard to imagine that new york is so far away from the mountains.  ¶ 12:12 PM