i haven't said enough...
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
  how to make brownies
ok, i'm no expert in baking, but i actually enjoy it after all the months i have helped out marie, my stepmom, in her baking and cooking and stuff.

i usually buy my mix in a box, haha! i can't bake from scratch yet, i'm not that brave yet.

usually, them boxed mixes only asks for like an egg, some cups of water and like that.

then, all you do is mix 'em up.

and it should by now good to eat! haha! this is the point where i have to decide wheter i really wanna bake the batter or just get a straw and start sucking, haha!

or i just skip the straw and use the wooden spoon.

put the batter in a pan and stick it in the oven.

forty minutes later, tada!

and it's al;l about the presentation, baby. most things look better and taste better with whipped cream and chocolate syrup *wink* *wink*
Monday, July 26, 2004
  fuck diets
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
  hands to heaven
was blog-hopping for a while and passed by markie's blog. i heard the song before, and i know that it is a cover. never did pay attention before, til now. i've always had troubles sleeping, i prefer to get myself real tired so that when i lay down, sleep will take over. if not, i end up laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking. sometimes, i do not really think about anything in particular, i know i'm not alone with that. i just wonder if in my deep "unthinking", someone out there is doing the same thing.

my ate i.n has been pestering me about getting a girlfriend not long ago, saying i have so much spare time that i end up doing nothing when i could be spending it with someone. i wish it is that easy. i have this bad cycle of falling in love so easily, but having a hard time getting out of it.

maybe i do have so much love to give, but i don't know why i prefer to lay here on a bed fit for two by myself. i don't want to look for someone, because i've found someone already. i want to believe i found her already rather. i'm too old for this search-and-date game; i'm tired of it to be more accurate.

should i try to work it out with someone who is married with a kid? she is my first love after all. i know she is not happy with her marriage, and i adore her kid. her family likes me as well. the only problem is she is married. something that i could have stopped, i guess, if only i asked. i knew something was bothering her that midnight of may at my place in tambo. maybe i was just apprehensive to ask knowing that my friends are just a couple of feet away, sleeping in our couch. i realized just lately how willing i am to adopt a child, just in case things don't work out between her and her husband. i have never thought i would be entangled in this web! never ever did i thought i would consider having an affair, or breaking up a marriage. maybe it is over between us. over? i don't even recall it starting.

then there's the puppy love - the first person whom i loved who loved me back. but i blew it - several times. there was this one time that i just wanted to talk to her, just wanted to say hi. i have no idea how the conversation turned in to this twisted talk about being left behind and betrayal. what the fuck did i say that made this talk so... so... so wrong. i have fucked up so many things in life, none of which i ever have regrets about, and then this? there is still this urging in me that maybe, i can still patch this up. but then again, i'm tired of it. love shouldn't be this much work and effort.

and of course, the friend you can not have, hahaha! the one person you are hoping to be intimate with but afraid to mess up the disposition you have worked for so hard. fuck that.

i am getting to old, huh? maybe i have fucked around enough already, maybe even too much. i need to be serious about this already. i do want to be next with somebody i love and care about.

i just need some sleep. even if "tonight i need your sweet caress..."
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
  please don't try so hard to say goodbye
just saw the "she will be loved" video of maroon5. fell in love with the song all over again.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
  tu familia locos
just got back from the ranch, whew, what a week! where do i begin?
at last, after over a month of working my ass, i have my old work sched again which is just saturday and sunday graveyards. fortunately, aunt renee and the potwin gang are coming over the same week!
after work last sunday night / monday morning, i just slept the whole day. tuesday, dad picked me up from my place and started packing when we got to his place. we got this camper to put on top of the van, and it felt like forever doing that. we barely got sleep since marie prepared food and all that, had like a four-hour sleep.
wednesday morning, we went straight to the cabin and met with granpa ben who will perform a sundance. dad was dancing again, so marie, the kids and i stayed in the ranch. some of the kansas people were there already. larry aka hopkins aka hop aka eeyore aka uncle nasty was there, so is jessie with his new girlfriend brandie (i kinda miss the ex, melissa aka crackwhore, she was more fun), joe and uncle kelly aka whitt. 

jessie fourwheeling by turkey creek
but there was some sort of a misunderstanding that we ended up going back to colorado city!
so thursday night and friday morning was just spent cooking and staying up.
friday afternoon, aunt renee picked us up and we headed back to the ranch. that was the same day that we went to granma rosie's ranch and check out the sundance. aunt berna, aunt priscilla and aunt noel were all there! them are my granma's sisters, and this is the first time i've seen them all four together.
dad was still dancing (they dance for four days, no food, no water. ain't that grand), so i decided to go ahead and do the flesh offering. granpa ben took four little pieces of my flesh from my shoulders. not too bad, considering i endured a half-hour tattoo. gosh, what else am i gonna do with my body?
anyway, that night was freaking great! i went to bed around seven to refresh myself, then got up at ten. i only had like a half a can of coors and hop was already making fun of me that i passed out for like three hours over a half a can of coors. aunt renee was like "shut the fuck up" and whitt was saying "hop, you haven't seen how drunk can ken be!" we sat by the smoker (big home made barbecue grill, pretty neat) since we were freezing our ass off... in the middle of the fucking summer.

marie cooking by the smoker
anyway, larry was telling us this funny story. there were three cowboys who were captured by this tribe of indians. and these indians were gonna chop heir heads of, so these strapping cowboys begged for their lives so the indian said that if they can whip out a nine inch dick all together, they can go free. so cowboy number one showed his, it was a four incher, so did the second one. so the third just needs an inch and they are free. so he did show his dong and luckily it was an inch long. so there were released and pretty much relieved. then the third cowboys said, "well thank god i had a hard on else we are dead" hahahahahaha!
after we finished like three boxes of coors (a box has like twelve cans) between moi, hop, whitt, jessie, joe and aunt renee, unc whitt showed up with an eight year old whiskey, which can't be eight years old considering he has the bottle hidden in the shed for the past three years. it was fucking good.

the aftermath. them coors ad it coming
 i was floored after eight shots. but then again, it was just me, whitt and joe slugging that whiskey.

brandie the morning after

by sunrise, i am now whiskey ken to potwin kansas, ha-ha! which is better than pretty boy of kansas! it used to be my cousin josh who is pretty boy, but he got married the same year i came over to potwin, so i got his title passed down to me.
suffice to say, i had a great time! 
Sunday, July 11, 2004
  keira and winona
is it just me or they could pass as sisters?

Saturday, July 10, 2004
  good thing i wasn't taking a dump
i got home last night and what to i see when i peed? this:

and it's right above the toilet seat! called the maintenance guy already, they should be here tomorrow morning. now how am i gonna take a dump with that above!

oh shoot... now i have visions of gigantic spiders coming out of it.
  my peruvian princess
i took like a thirty-minute nap and i miss a phone call from one of my friends! i got a call from claudia, a friend of mine who is from peru. we met in a math class where we both hate this one black guy in class. once, i was in the computer lab just playing waiting for my math class, and i heard somebody say "you should be studying" and when i turned around, it was mr. black guy. even before i could say anything he was gone. in the back of my mind, i yelled back, "you're the one who should be studying!" the jerk. the next week, he dropped from the class just a week before the midterms. HA! there was this other time when he kept asking the same question over and over again, and it wasn't really that hard to comprehend. then all of a sudden, out of the blue, i heard claudia "whispering" to her self: "why is it so hard for you to understand?!" the problem was her whisper was heard by the whole class. everybody was shocked by the unadulterated expression of confusion. ah... blatant truth - we hit it off right away!

anyway, i thought graduated last semester, i'm not sure though, so i'm just gonna call her back tomorrow morning :-)
Thursday, July 08, 2004
  i have internet connection at home now... amen
originally penned - 02 july 2004

it's the second of july right now, but my internet connection won't kick in til the eighth. bad trip. but it's ok than having to go to school every other day just to check my mail, check my bank statements, chatting with friends, and make entries in my blog... crap, now i need to go to school to check my mail.

my sink
anyway, just finished washing plates. i knew i had to do that since i had like six bowls in the sink. and i don't usually use bowls, meaning i already used all my eight dinner plates and eight small plates. my sink looked gross. hence, dishwashing.

my music library
for the past month, i have been transferring my cd library to my music library in my hard drive.but i have only copied like forty cds, and i'm getting bored already. especially with the soundtracks and compilations since i have to type out the name of each artist for every song. katamad. try typing the artists' names in the moulin rouge soundtracks - both one AND two.

originally penned - 04 july 2004

at work
it's one in the morning right now, i'm at work and we are already fully-booked so i just basically tell people to go away. it is kinda boring during this time since there is basically nothing to do. i already did my preliminary reports, did a trial balance, checked the registration forms, filed the previous registration forms, even balanced out the credit cards and reconciled the cash drops. and there's nothing good on tv, not even on the cartoon network. just waiting for two o'clock, dennis miller would be doing stand up on hbo. he better be funny...

how stupid can i be?
how stupid of me, am listening to music and leave started playing. puchang-iniks, what magic does this song has over me?! it is just so fuckin' sad that it could practically bring me to tears if i don't consciously hold them back. it's not like i'm with someone right now (even if ate i.n insists i should start looking for someone to give my attention. like i'm gonna listen to someone whose relationship is a bit skewed - sori, medyo brutal ate, but you know me, i still love you! muwah! :-P )

i must have told this over and over, but this song is really a killer! "i'm not saying there wasn't nothing wrong, i just didn't think you'de ever get tired of me. i'm not saying we ever had the right to hold on, i just didn't want to let it get away from me but if that's how you're gonna leave, straight out from underneath, then we'll see who's sorry now, if that's how it's gonna stand when you know you've been depending on the one you're leaving now..."

the irritating part of this is: hindi bagay saken ang mag-senti! puta madre.
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