i haven't said enough...
 
 The Director

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     Past Performances
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     Top Performances
    I surrender
    Open Letter
    Homage to Warhol and the Monroes
    Guys' Rules
    Who's gonna comfort me?
    Squirrels don't Fly
    TrueFaith: Ala-ala
    Questions
    A part of me you might not want to know
    No More Friends
    Samantha
    Hands to Heaven
    This is sooo Central Perk
    Words Unspoken
    Poetic Orgasms
    Love Unspoken
    It's starting to get cold
    Eye for Eye
    Happy New Year!
    Def Poetry
    I'll develop OC watching the OC
    New Mexico Trip
    Canada in Pictures
    As I Stand Here on my Children's Grave
    CO-DC-NJ-NY
    Call Me
    Empty Journals
     The Cast
    abbie | aileen | aiz | angel | arthur | cris aka angel part 2 | elanie | grima | joseph | kikai | kramer | ktyl | mabet | markie | nime | poli | shadowlane | sidney | tanya | tobie | ver

    anne rice | amy sedaris fansite | AOL music | break.com | dane cook | daniel smith | david hewson | dixie chicks | grima's art | hot air | hungry eye | learning annex | mail.com | mp3 search | maria bamford | metropolitan museum of art | michael roger press, inc. | museum of modern art | the nick and joe show | nickel creek | nyc bloggers | perez hilton | peyups | post secret | t-mobile | tristan cafe | vanishing tattoo | wells fargo | youtube | z100

     The Producers


     The Inspiration


    Sunday, October 31, 2004
    halloween!

    had the kids in my place for a while, and the freaks are in costume:


    saul as some power ranger dude



    angel, not as a princess. she's a queen.



    iya as spidey



    marty also as spider-man, er, spider-boy



    me as a dumbass. maybe a bum.


    ____________________________________________________________

    two more days

    excited na kong bumoto!



    ____________________________________________________________

    Friday, October 29, 2004
    for you to notice - dashboard confessional

    I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
    where I would impress you
    with every single word I said.
    Would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
    and you'd want to call me..
    And I would be there every time
    you'd need me
    I'd be there every time...

    But for now I'll look so longingly
    waiting...
    For you to want me, for you need me, for you to notice me

    I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
    where I would impress you
    with every single word I said.
    Would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
    and you'd want to call me..
    And I would be there every time
    you'd need me
    I'd be there every time...

    I'm starting to fashion an idea in my head
    where I would impress you
    with every single word I said.
    Would come out insightful, or brave, or smooth, or charming
    and you'd want to call me..
    And I would be there every time
    you'd need me
    I'd be there every time...

    But for now I'll look so longingly
    waiting...
    For you to want me, for you need me, for you to notice me


    ____________________________________________________________

    david hewson

    i "met" this guy while reading an article in the washington post. he made this novel about a serial killer whose pattern of killing is after those of martyrs of the catholic church. now ain't that a great premise?
    i checked his site and i was wowed. he is a great writer! his style reminded me right away of that of dan brown's and guess what, he pre-dated brown! brown is cashing in using hewson's ideas. hmp! typical. this is the reason why i was never into reading commercially successful authors. i prefer the classics.
    but anyway, back to hewson, he wrote several books that caught my fancy. lucifer's shadow, a season of the dead, and the villa of mysteries are now in my wish list. i bet i can buy them online, say like amazon, and get them cheaper if i buy in bundles. maybe even free shipping.
    also check out hewson's blog. me adding him in my links.


    ____________________________________________________________

    hannibal the cannibal is back!

    oh my freaking god, hannibal lecter is back! am listening to the radio right now, and they have this news bit about thomas harris writing a fourth novel to the hannibal series! it's presently under the title behind the mask.

    wait, lemme do a search, there has got to be something out there about this...

    hmmm... there's not much out there. no mention of it in the author's site. there is a hint of clue in a washinton post article though (i like the line in the article about cheering on lecter when he sauteed the fbi agent's brain and fed it to him, haha!). an article in the nytimes site suggests the same - having hannibal so open-ended that it screams a fourth installment. there's a picture of harris there. he looks like santa claus. creepy.


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    Thursday, October 28, 2004
    i'm feeling grrreat!

    jLo won't stop singing "feelin' so good" in my head. which is okay. i just turned in my tax return project and my last tax issue reaction paper. it is a goddam relief. sarap ng feeling, pare, sooobra.
    added to this is the ever growing population of the worship of kiko in accounting, haha! seriously, i used to say i'm two steps away from being a god, i think i just made another step.
    since just this wednesday, i've been making marks and slowly burning my name in the brains of my fellow accounting majors. last tuesday, i did my presentation in cost accounting. people did dare to question my findings, i made them look dumb. sorry, amy, you are pretty, but dear, don't ask such questions. then i had intermediate yesterday, and i stole the spotlight again from my prof. she was even astounded with my easier was of computing understatements and overstatements of net income due to variances in beginning and ending inventory. ha! and just a few minutes ago, i did the same thing in cost. the teacher said it took him half an hour to finish this standard costing problem. i did mine in five - in class! it was supposed to be a take-home quiz, but i was too pre-occupied with my tax return project that i forgot about it, so i had to do it in class. even had to borrow a book since i didn't bring mine.
    this is turning to be a great day. i hope it stays that way for the rest of the week! i can't wait for the weekend, i'm gonna see the kids again. i'm helping out saul with his research about venus, i think. maybe i'll take him to watch sharktale. maybe. if angel behaves.


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    Tuesday, October 26, 2004
    i miss blogging, spreading to thin, bullshit and a pretty blonde

    i still can't find time to blog. i just realized how thin i am spreading myself after talking to anna and russell (my groupies for this cost accounting shit going on). i have four upper division accounting classes, one art class, tutoring three students, a work study at the nursing department and of course, the night audit job at the motel.

    i'm glad that the cost project thing is done in the mean time. had to take my notebook several times to school and do work in class (ate in was asking earlier why we had electrical sockets on our desks. that's why.). that is why i am offline most of the times lately. i used to just leave my place with my notebook hooked up on the net. anyway, the presentation went well. we had the shortest presentation. our strategy was to be concise, do not give out financial information, to wow them visually and to dazzle them with bull shit. i think we achieved all four. of all people who would dare ask me a question, amy did. she has got to be the prettiest accounting major student that i know of (my friend laura doesn't really count anymore, since she is out of the business school already). but by golly, she's dense. sayang. or maybe that was just an act, just to check if i know my financial ratios and ways to interpret them. i dunno. i'll try to grab a pic of her one of these days :-)

    gotta go now, still have a cpa law test, 6 to 9 tonight. great.


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    Thursday, October 21, 2004
    cold hard bitch - jet

    Gotta leave town
    Got another appointment
    Spent all my rent
    Girl you know I enjoyed it

    Ain't gonna hang around till there's nobody dancing
    I don't wanna hold hands and talk about our little plans, alright!

    Cold hard bitch
    Just a kiss on the lips
    And I was on my knees
    I'm waiting, give me
    Cold hard bitch
    She was shakin' her hips
    That's all that I need

    Gonna check her out
    She's my latest attraction
    Gonna hang around
    Wanna get a reaction

    Gonna take her home cause she's over romancing
    Don't wanna hold hands and talk about her plans alright!

    Cold hard bitch
    Just a kiss on the lips
    And I was on my knees
    I'm waiting give me
    Cold hard bitch
    She was shakin' her hips
    And I that was all that I need
    I'm waiting give me
    Cold hard bitch
    Just a kiss on the lips
    And I was on my knees

    Yeah I'm waiting
    Yeah I'm waiting
    Yeah I'm waiting
    Yeah I'm waiting

    Cold hard bitch
    Just a kiss on the lips
    And I was on my knees
    I'm waiting give me
    Cold hard bitch
    She was shakin' her hips
    And I was all that I need
    I'm waiting give me
    Cold hard bitch
    Just a kiss on the lips
    And I was on my knees
    I'm waiting give me


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    Wednesday, October 20, 2004
    love takes time

    ay didikit dis zong por ate in. ate, fara zayo to!

    I had it all
    But I let it slip away
    Couldn't see that I treated you wrong
    Now I wander around
    Feeling down and cold
    Trying to believe that you're gone

    Love takes time
    To heal when you're hurting so much
    Couldn't see that I was blind
    To let you go
    I can't escape the pain
    Inside
    'Cause love takes time
    I don't wanna be here
    I don't wanna de here alone

    Losing my mind
    From this hollow in my heart
    Suddenly I'm so incomplete
    Lord I'm needing you now
    Tell me how to stop the rain
    Tears are falling down endlessly

    Love takes time
    To heal when you're hurting so much
    Couldn't see that I was blind
    To let you go
    I can't escape the pain
    Inside
    'Cause love takes time
    I don't wanna be here
    I don't wanna de here alone

    You might say that it's over
    You might say that you don't care
    You might say you don't miss me
    You don't need me
    But I know that you do and I feel that you do
    Inside

    Love takes time
    To heal when you're hurting so much
    Couldn't see that I was so blind
    To let you go
    I can't escape the pain
    Inside
    'Cause love takes time
    I don't wanna be there
    I don't wanna be there alone


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    Tuesday, October 19, 2004
    i feel super

    i feel great today. it feels... weird. i dunno, maybe mainly because i haven't felt this level of elation for quite some time now, contrary to my imood on my right panel.

    let's trace the string of events that led to today's happiness.

    hmmm... saturday, i got me a printer and a webcam. then slept all day since i had to work all night. then sunday, spent the morning sleeping, got up before lunch since i promised dad to help him out with moving the kids' beds from the storage to his new place. after three hours of back-breaking carrying, played with the kids for a while. and when i say "played with the kids", i meant "the kids played with me" like i'm a human toy. hmmm... sunday night seems to be a blur to me. i rememeber missing charmed, fell asleep on the couch. hmp, probably went straight to bed after dad dropped me off. monday was a looong day. i was even bored in art class. i got my portfolio back though, with all my large sketches and my sketchbook. got an A for my midterm grade. accounting was slow that day as well. talked about cash flow assumptions regarding inventory. doesn't ring a bell? how about LIFO, FIFO, and average? haha! monday night, fell asleep on the couch again, woke up around 4am, did my fedtax take-home exam (it was that hard, we had to take it home to work on it!) then went to school 'round 9:30. did some tutoring. that could have started my day, my tutee (tee-hee... just have to giggle everytime i hear the word) said i do a better job of teaching than trippeer. had the in-class part of the fedtax exam, then had cost accounting with trippeer. then here i am, telling y'all this.

    see... i don't understand why i feel so darn happy today.


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    milkshake

    i saw this clip in ifilm and i was horrified!

    check this clip of milkshake. NOT for the weak-hearted.


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    Saturday, October 16, 2004
    techno-splurge

    i splurge almost two hundred moo-lahs today on my notebook. well, not really just ON my notebook - me got a pretty cool printer and a nice webcam.

    ate in and i went to circuit city when she visited and asked her opinion about trying to buy a printer. we found one for almost a hundred bucks which can do scanning and copying jobs. we also found one with fax-features but i don't even have a phoneline at home so that's down the drain. so i just got my hp psc 1315 this afternoon after watching kill bill vol.2 (a dvd i just bought yesterday!).




    then, i got my eye on this webcam for notebooks. it was so cool-looking that i thought, "what the hell, so i'm not having dinner for the next five days!" and got the freaking webcam. it is so compact and built mainly for notebooks so i just have to get it. cute naman e, it's by creative which is my second choice after logitech. anyway, here's what got:



    ka-ching! ka-ching!


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    Wednesday, October 13, 2004
    tainted love

    Sometimes I feel I've got to
    Run away I've got to
    Get away
    From the pain that you drive into the heart of me
    The love we share
    Seems to go nowhere
    And I've lost my light
    For I toss and turn I can't sleep at night

    Once I ran to you (I ran)
    Now I'll run from you
    This tainted love you've given
    I give you all a boy could give you
    Take my tears and that's not nearly all
    Oh... tainted love
    Tainted love

    Now I know I've got to
    Run away I've got to
    Get away
    You don't really want it any more from me
    To make things right
    You need someone to hold you tight
    And you'll think love is to pray
    But I'm sorry I don't pray that way

    Once I ran to you (I ran)
    Now I'll run from you
    This tainted love you've given
    I give you all a boy could give you
    Take my tears and that's not nearly all
    Oh...tainted love
    Tainted love

    Don't touch me please
    I cannot stand the way you tease
    I love you though you hurt me so
    Now I'm going to pack my things and go
    Tainted love, tainted love
    Tainted love, tainted love
    Touch me baby, tainted love
    Touch me baby, tainted love
    Tainted love...


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    Friday, October 08, 2004
    my place under surveillance

    i always YM with leo in the morning. it is always fo course cut short because of classes. but every now and then, i leave the webcam on for him to watch over my place:



    but this one particular morning, leo mentioned someone was in my place! he thought i went back home because i left something important for class (which almost always happens). then he saw this"



    hahaha!


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    XXXIII

    I HELD a jewel in my fingers
    And went to sleep.
    The day was warm, and winds were prosy;
    I said: "'T will keep."

    I woke and chid my honest fingers,---
    The gem was gone;
    And now an amethyst remembrance
    Is all I own.

    emily.dickinson


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    poetic orgasms

    she abruptly stopped in front of me
    as i sipped my coffee, dark.

    she smiled and lowered her eyelids -
    bit her lower lip and giggled.

    she slowly raised her eyes
    and looked straight at me.

    she slipped back her obvious bra strap,
    black like my coffee.

    she gave her skirt a strong tug
    to cover her knees.

    she moved a bit closer
    and slightly leaned towards me...

    then she showed her white teeth
    and with her fingernail, picked off stuck meat.

    she walked back and turned around,
    swayed her hips as she walked away.

    behind the coffee shop's windows,
    i was used as a mirror.


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    doo-dahs

    where do i begin?

    ------------------------------

    last night, i attended this dinner meeting. see, way back in high school and my college days in de la salle lipa, i was never the "ordinary" student. i was always in this club or in that org or in this committee. seriously, my acads were not that high in my priorities. i was more concerned with meeting deadlines for my articles or making copies of the agenda of meetings. i was telling my bud tocuets that there are days, i just wanna know how it feels like to be just a student. the typical wake-up-late-go-to-class-or-maybe-not-party-all-night-go-home kind of student. i never experienced that til i got here in pueblo.

    for the past year, i was just a student. i didn't like it.

    and now, here i am. attending the associated student government of my great university. having dinner and rubbing elbows with deans and the administration and org presidents, discussing budgets and scholarships.

    sigh...

    ------------------------------

    i can't wait for tonight! ate in would be in my night window in the motel :-) imagine that... wow, it's been so many freaking years, man! i promise to post pictures. here are possible captions:

    here's me and ate in having dinner.

    here's ate in peeing while standing up near the state highway after way too many drinks.

    here's ate in, lowering her standards of morality.

    ------------------------------

    leo just changed his blog layout! astig, pare! now we need to make rey change his template as well. something like google.


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    Wednesday, October 06, 2004
    hostile grounds: consider yourself warned

    got here in school around 7:30. on wednesdays, i tutor this guy at 8 til a little before 9 so i won't be late for my art class. anyway, he called just now to let me know he either will be late or will not make it all. his car won't start. arg.

    it's okay, really, but i came here with the sun still barely getting up from the freaking horizon (fall coming real quick, still trying to adjust to the incoming time change) and it is freaking cold. stupid me, i'm wearing shorts today. anyway, took pictures of pueblo from the highest point in school near the physics/math building to show how thick the fog was (why is it called a 'building'? shouldn't it be called a 'built'?). i can't upload it now since the computers here in school don't have a slot for a memory stick and i don't have a usb cable with me right now.

    you wanna know how cold it is right now? it is so cold that when i stop walking, i could feel the cold air sensation running up my bare legs and i swear my balls were up my ass just to keep themselves warm.

    on a lighter note, it's a wednesday, two more days and ate i.n will be here :-) imagine, the last time i saw her was sometime june, june 2nd i think, in 2002. i remember coming home from lemery's beaches that day. her boyfriend poli was with us then. i think vicky, kiel, bj, dj, leo, ang hane, vannie and divineski were there as well. i could be wrong though, i can't remember it that well since i was drunk then plus that was a period when we were almost in the beaches every other week. hmm... am i turning senile? puta naman o...

    so there, i saw my homies in the philippines first (last august) before seeing ate again! now imagine that, considering we talk almost every night. i'm gonna make kulit to ate (tunog cono no? do you guys know that cono means vagina in spanish? imagine me trying to explain what a cono is to my spanish-speaking grandmother) to go to california to meet up with rey. maybe over the summer. but i want it to happen this december though. we'll see.


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    Tuesday, October 05, 2004
    my boo - usher and alicia keys

    There's always that one person
    That will always have your heart
    You'll never see it coming
    Cause you're blinded from the start
    Know that you're that one for me
    It's clear for everyone to see
    Ooh baby ooh you'll always be my boo

    I don't know bout cha'll
    But I know about us and uh
    This is the only way
    We know how to rock
    I don't know bout cha'll
    But I know about us and uh
    This is the only way
    We know how to rock


    Do you remember girl
    I was the one who gave you your first kiss
    Cause I remember girl
    I was the one who said put your lips like this
    Even before all the fame and
    People screaming your name
    Girl I was there when you were my baby

    It started when we were young girl
    You were mine my boo
    Now another brother's taking over
    But its still in your eyes my boo
    Even though we used to argue it's alright
    I know we haven't seen each other
    In awhile but you will always be my boo

    I was in love with you when we were younger
    You were mine my boo
    And I see it from time to time
    I still feel like my boo
    And I can see it no matter
    How I try to hide my boo
    Even though there's another man in my life
    You will always be my boo

    It's like remember boy
    Cause after we kissed
    I could only think about your lips
    Yes I remember boy
    The moment I knew
    You were the one
    I could spend my life with
    Even before all the fame
    And people screaming your name
    I was there and you were my baby


    It started when we were young girl
    You were mine my boo
    Now another brother's taking over
    But its still in your eyes my boo
    Even though we used to argue it's alright
    I know we haven't seen each other
    In awhile but you will always be my boo

    I was in love with you when we were younger
    You were mine my boo
    And I see it from time to time
    I still feel like my boo
    And I can see it no matter
    How I try to hide my boo
    Even though there's another man in my life
    You will always be my boo


    My oh, My oh, My oh, My oh, My Boo

    My oh, My oh, My oh, My oh, My Boo

    It started when we were young girl
    You were mine my boo
    Now another brother's taking over
    But its still in your eyes my boo
    Even though we used to argue it's alright
    I know we haven't seen each other
    In awhile but you will always be my boo

    I don't know bout cha'll
    But I know about us and uh
    This is the only way
    We know how to rock
    I don't know bout cha'll
    But I know about us and uh
    This is the only way
    We know how to rock


    ____________________________________________________________

    Monday, October 04, 2004
    striped log

    i hate fabric drawing but that's what we did in class today. hirap nun no! especially if the cloth is striped which is the case in our class, of course. we did a fabric drawing of a striped piece of cloth laying flat on the platform first. it sounds easy but it's not, seriously. anyway, after that, the prof had this great idea of putting the cloth on top of one of our model figures.



    i really struggled with that open end of the cylinder! mainly because of that foam stucked inside of the tube. hmp!



    well, i thought i did okay. t'was hard though. (should have taken a picture of the model in the same angle of my work. oh, well.)



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    the tattoo process













    looks painful huh? goddam yes.


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    Sunday, October 03, 2004
    try - nelly furtado

    All I know
    Is everything is not as it's sold
    but the more I grow the less I know
    And I have lived so many lives
    Though I'm not old
    And the more I see, the less I grow
    The fewer the seeds the more I sow

    Then I see you standing there
    Wanting more from me
    And all I can do is try
    Then I see you standing there
    Wanting more from me
    And all I can do is try

    I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
    And all the real people are really not real at all
    The more I learn, the more I learn
    The more I cry, the more I cry
    As I say goodbye to the way of life
    I thought I had designed for me

    Then I see you standing there
    Wanting more from me
    And all I can do is try
    Then I see you standing there
    I'm all I'll ever be
    But all I can do is try
    Try

    All of the moments that already passed
    We'll try to go back and make them last
    All of the things we want each other to be
    We never will be
    And that's wonderful, and that's life
    And that's you, baby
    This is me, baby
    And we are, we are, we are, we are
    Free
    In our love
    We are free in our love


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    Friday, October 01, 2004
    art class results + an art studio tour

    after my accounting class, went straight to the art and music bldg to finish my work last wednesday. it was just the prof and me there, talked about my work. he really think i have a knack about this art class, felt sorry that no one is teaching drawing 2 next semester. he advised that i take painting 1 just for the heck of it, and maybe take drawing 2 over the summer. i ain't complaining.

    anyway, here's my work! i call it "crotch of pillows". figure it out, it ain't that hard to do so.



    and here are the models:



    (check out the girl in gray/light blue shirt. that's candice!)


    now here's a short tour of the studio. once you enter, you'll find some body drawings taped on the wall. these pics are for the drawing 2 class, they do body figures:



    then once you reach the center of the room, turn around and here's what you'll see:



    haha! yep, them are body casts. and they are right above me in class! haha! like i said in the previous post, i sit next to the door (the big hall you see, that is a door! the smaller one you see goes to my prof's office). wanna take a closer look? i bet you'd like that, haha!



    i syre hope you can figure out which ones are males and females :-)



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    texas' in demand

    the first of three presidential debates was on last night, pre-empting survivor, joey, and will & grace. wasn't in a political mood last night, beside, i prefer to watch the last decision-bending debate. but really, my mind is decided with kerry.

    anyway, spent the night surfing the net, listening to nirvana's live performances of all apologies and come as you are. then, i remembered texas. does anyone remember them uk band? so i started looking for this one particular vid, in demand. i don't think anyone enjoyed the song as much as i did. shar looked so pretty in that dres, dancing around with, you would not believe this, alan rickman! the head of the snake dorm in harry potter (shows i'm not a big fan of the series). why don't you check the vid and let me know what you think :-)

    When we were together I was blown away
    Just like paper from a fan
    But you would act like I was just a kid
    Like we were never gonna last

    Now I've got someone who cares for me
    He wrote my name in silver sands
    I think you know you've lost the love of your life
    (and you said) I was the best you've ever had

    Because I'm in demand
    You're thinking of the way you shoulda held my hand
    And all the times you said you didn't understand
    You never had our love written in your plans
    But now I'm in demand

    Don't ever think you saw the best in me
    There's a side you'll never know
    Cos love and loving are too different things
    Set your sites far too low

    Now I've got someone who cares for me
    He wrote my name in silver sands
    I think you know you've lost the love of your life
    (and you said) I was the best you've ever had

    Because I'm in demand
    You're thinking of the way you shoulda held my hand
    And all the times you said you didn't understand
    You never had our love written in your plans
    But now I'm in demand

    You're thinking of the way you shoulda held my hand
    And all the times you said you didn't understand
    You never had our love written in your plans
    But now I'm in demand

    It's only when I fall asleep
    I see that winning smile
    When my dreams just move along
    You've lost the race by miles

    Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
    Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
    Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
    (never had our love written in your plans)
    Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

    Because I'm in demand
    You're thinking of the way you shoulda held my hand
    And all the times you said you didn't understand
    You never had our love written in your plans
    But now I'm in demand

    You know I'm in demand
    You see I'm in demand
    You know I'm in demand
    You know I'm in demand
    You never had our love written in your plans

    You know I'm in demand
    You see I'm in demand
    You need me in demand
    You want me in demand


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    © 2004 Sony Pictures Entertainment, Inc. All Rights Reserved.